Thoughts on Youth & Family Ministry
In Ecclesiastes, King Solomon writes, "Remember your creator in the days of your youth."
I believe it is so important that we strive to reach out to the younger generations. We must pass on our faith and belief of God, reaching out to the youth.
I believe the key to success youth ministry is to minister to the entire family. The program driven ministry approach has fallen by the wayside. The "Lone Ranger" approach to youth ministry will burnout any youth minister. We must reach out to the entire family in order to make the real difference.
It is so important that youth ministers motivate and involve parents and volunteers in the ministry. Allowing the families and teens to develop their own ministries and activities allows them to take ownership.
Communication is essential in having a ministry that is effective. Lack of communication will destroy any ministry.
I believe this generation is desperately seeking and desiring some form of spirituality or connection to God. Styles of ministries may differ from congregation to congregation. I know some very successful youth ministries follow the purpose driven approach while others now are instituting emerging stratagies. I think it is so important that the youth ministry follows the direction that the church is going and not isolate itself from the church.
So, how is your youth ministry done? What style or approach do you take? Why does the program driven ministry fail? What are your thoughts on the "Lone Ranger" approach? Have you seen the consequences of program and "Lone Ranger" ministry? Why is it important to minister to the entire family? How does youth and family ministry build up and strengthen a church? How can we keep youth ministers in the ministry? Why is it important that we enable youth to institute and develop their own ministries within the youth ministry? How did youth ministry effect your life? Is there a youth minister that changed your life? How is your current youth ministry? What do you like or what would you change?
What do you think?
Share your thoughts.
posted by preacherman @ 4:52:00 PM
49 Comments:
Having worked with youth in the past, I see the awesome need to involve the parents. However, in today's culture, in my experience, it is very difficult to involve the parents, because some of them seem to want to be separate from the process. They want you, the youth minister, to reach their kids, because for some reason (and I have my ideas) they cannot.
So this leaves the youth minister in a terrible predicament. On one hand he carries the burden to try and equip these kids in the truth of the gospel, but he also has the burden of not offending the parents by teaching on specific issues that they face. In my experience the issue of sex, parents seem want the minister to tell there kids that sex is wrong, however, they don't want you to get too detailed, because they want to 'protect' their youth.
We all know that this is not true, for the most part they just don't want to have to face the questions and concerns that may arise. For some, ignorance is the best policy. Many believe, I have good kids (kids that get good grades, do well in sports, go to youth group, are not doing drugs, etc.)so there is no way they would have sex. This is utterly ridiculous and very irresponsible on the parents part.
So what is the youth minister to do? How should he deal with issues such as this, as well as deal with these types of parents? Should parents take responsibility for these issues?
Sorry to be playing the 'devil's advocate' here, but this is a reality, especially in my prior church.
i think the children can sit in the service with their family, parents or the adults that have brought them. everyone together experiencing the same things that everyone can do together.
events for the children can be held at another time other than service times with the parents involved.
the family can be led to do things together not apart in worship and learning about God as a body.
We have had a great youth minister and volunteer leaders, but I have not been involved since my son is too young. When he is old enough, I plan on being involved. However, I do not plan to place much responsibility on the youth minister or fellow volunteers. It would be better for them to concentrate on the youth who do not have Christian parents. I have MUCH more responsibility for my own child than the youth minister does. I plan to be as involved in the future with my child's spiritual development as I am today (which means heavily involved).
Preach,
Having been a youth minister for 6 years, I can tell you that I am not convinced that any of our existent models work that well. I honestly don't know what to suggest as an alternative, but I can tell you that churches need to take an intentional approach to youth ministry; and that intention should not be "keeping them off the streets" or "keeping the saved ones save" or (heaven help us) "showing kids that Christianity is fun".
Youth ministry, like any other ministry, should be focused on making and developing disciples.
You continue to amaze with good posts Kinney. I'm looking forward to the responses. We'll be looking for a youth minister in the near future.
I've seen the "Lone Ranger" yms burn out quickly. They have either been left with no direction or they choose to do their own thing. IMHO, neither of those work well.
I believe in a team approach including leadership, Sr Min, and YM. In other words, the direction is set and then decisions are made under that "umbrella." I'm not a big program guy (Purpose Driven or whatever).
Lastly, as a Sr. Min, I've always allowed the ym to be their own person and have their own ideas. I provide advice but not micromanagement. The Yms that have worked best are good friends. We do ministry together. My ministry is not more important than theirs and vice versa.
Just some thoughts!
Good thoughts Kinney. I feel blessed by our Youth Ministry, not just because I want to uphold a fellow minister but because I have a child in the ministry.
The model is simple, the work is hard. Our model is a relational ministry. The goal is to help students develop into authentic disciples. Instead of having a youth ministry that is concerned about keeping kids busy so they won't get into bad stuff, it is about how to equip them to live out their faith now as teenagers.
It takes with some and with others it doesn't. But here is what I love. A model is being held out to them of what it means to be a believer and no one can miss that. Instead of having people grit their teeth and hold on hoping their child does not end up pregnant or in prison, we are having conversations about helping them to minister to their peers, take the mission of God into the world and allow God to shape them.
Relational youth ministry models require the youth ministers to spend time, energy and emotion equipping huddle leaders, middle school coaches etc who in turn spend time pouring into students. The youth ministers can not get to every kid all the time, but they can empower and equip their workers to be in real relationships with a small group of kids.
Just some thoughts....
This is tricky because many churches take a young person who is not yet qualified to become an elder, and they appoint him to be a youth pastor. Even if these young ministers are packed with giftedness and huge potential, idealism is tempered by experience.
If the parents are not involved, there is a danger of transforming church to a free babysitting service. Then many parents abdicate their God-given roles as the ones who are responsible for training up their children. That's not a job for the youth minister... not according to the Scriptures.
I much prefer a strategy that seeks to integrate young people into the main body of the congregation. Family based youth ministry is not to exasperate the parents by putting them under the authority of someone who might be fresh out of high school. Instead, I think it should be the whole Christian Education team pooling their resources to turn the hearts of the children back to their fathers.
I like what Nancy said.
:)
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Good night mate!
Good post.
I've been in YM for 8 years, and am still figuring it out.
In my last job, I discovered parents would rather believe in their kids' angelic innocence than what a YM tells them he has observed.
I've also observed that more parents would rather their kids be popular than holy.
I tell my parents that I view myself as a sort-of "coach." I can provide opportunities for spiritual "practice" and growth, but if parents don't encourage and back up their kids (and help me out) then we'll go nowhere.
Some of our best activities have been family ones: Parent Vs. Teen Volleyball, Basketball, and Softball; a Family Communications Class; Family Retreat.
I think there is such a lack of spiritual stuff in the home, that it is refreshing when they do it together as a family in a safe place. But they need it continually, so it becomes a habit.
OK, sorry. I started preaching there for a sec...!
My parents were the best youth ministers I ever had. Take that for what it's worth :)
-Wes
Was youth ministry a part of the early church? Can we find evidance in the New Testamant that this is so? Is there any mention of a youth pastor in Scripture?
Can we replace the term youth ministry with the term entertainment?
Mork
I do not think that replacement can be made so easily.....the youth ministry that I described above at our church is not about entertainment at all - it is about equipping students for ministry in their schools, sports groups etc.
I know there are some that are so attractional and so entertainment oriented that it is hard to see how disciples are being shaped, but not all.
In fact I would argue that some youth ministries are doing a far better job of calling students to real lives of discipleship than many adult ministries are.
Arlene,
You are so right.
I totally agree.
There is no greater think thank to make commited disciples of Jesus Christ especially in young people. I have seen many youth ministers give the teens a zeal and passion for living committedly. I have been blessed by so many youth ministers that have a heart and passion for sharing their faith with young people. It is a passion and zeal that older generations miss out on.
Arlene - I agree as well.
I was a "youth pastor" of the 80's in a vibrant attractional Church and most of the stuff we presented was attractional.
Mork,
I appreciate your points and insight on this issue. I do believe that even in 2008 there are some youth ministries that are entertainment driven that give little or no spiritual growth to teens and their families. I believe the real youth ministries that are sucessful are ministry and discipleship driven. Relationship building and disciple making I believe is the way youth ministry will function in the church this next century.
Thanks for hosting some interesting dialog here. I would like to hear more thoughts on "family" ministry or family based ministry, and what other people take that to mean.
I am not anti-youth ministry, but I have a cautious nature because it is a thing that is too often carelessly handed over to volunteers without sufficient accountability.
Oh, and you left a comment about yoga. Seriously?? Dude...
Cravier Vii,
I think it is so important that youth ministry invovles the entire family. It is the breakdown of the family that cause most of the problems in our lives and society. You look at how the bible is set up. "As for me and my house we will serve the Lord." The word of God and morals were taught by mom and dad. Passed on from generation to generation through the family talking about, praying to God. I think it is extremely important that we equip parents to make differences in the lives of their children. It is important that we give and minister to families that they have the resources they need to function Godly. Family ministry means getting involved in the lives of family. Provide resources, education, materials and yes, activities that will help families stay together and function the way God desires.
When I was youth and family minister I would have family fun nights. Where families would come together and play games, or go do something as a family. Mom and Dad taking their children to hockey games, playing monopoly, twister or capture the flag. Car ralleys were fun too.
Yes, I do yoga. It helps relax and feel better. I think it is a healthy thing. I might do a post on the subject later.
I want each of you to pray for youth and family ministers. I believe it is one of toughest job in the church. Pray for strength as many youth ministers get burned out.
What are your thoughts on youth and family ministry? Let me know what you think.
I teach people to be Christian youth workers in England. This is a professional qualification that gives my students a licence to practice in churches as well as statutory organisations.
My passion for the students is a) for them to catch a glimpse of the God who is far bigger than any box we could put God in
b) for the students to treat everyone with the respect and love that we all deserve
c) for them to realise that sometime even the 'worst' people still deserve to be loved
To build and maintain healthy positive relationships with the young people in their care and the volunteers and parents.
It needs to be relevant for the young people and contextualised so any 'off the shelf' programme that is used still needs to be contextualised otherwise it won't work as well as it could do.
Communication is key and of utmost importance between you and everyone involved in any form of ministry you do, even if they ignore it, at least you are including them
Inclusion of young people in decisions - if they own it, they will follow through
Discipling is the only way - for me - discipling of young people to be followers of Jesus through the Holy Spirit to honour and glorify God the creator, sustainer and redeemer!
loved the post...
Thank you for this topic, Preacherman.
Too often, youth ministry is focused on fun and games. The goal is to get teens into church, but when the youth come to church, the focus isn't on Jesus.
Often, the youth minister isn't picked because of his strong theological background or his deep passion for Jesus, but because he is "cool" and is a lot like a big kid himself.
Youth ministry shouldn't be a reflection of society's values. It shouldn't be a place where we try to "sell" a cool Jesus to cool teens. It should be a place of healing and Truth. That is what a broken world longs for. Even if they are teenagers.
As a teen, I longed for a place where I could discuss the deep deep questions I had with someone mature in the faith, mature in life. Not just questions about drugs or sex (those weren't really too relevant to me, though those are important to youth ministry too), but questions like:
-Does God exist?
-Does God care about me...or is He like a lot of other guys out there...sort of a "dead beat"
-Does God forgive me?
-I have all these dreams of making a difference. How can I make it a reality?
Youth ministry needs to be more about church. It needs to be a place where teens can go and experience the love and grace of God.
The Walk,
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. I totally agree. Youth Ministry must be more spiritual in the 21st century if we are to make committed disciples of Jesus Christ. God bless those youth ministers who are theological and have a passion for the lost. I am thankful that my youth minister Scott Jarvis was spiritual. He cared. He sacrificed his time, family, and self for the youth group. He discussed the deep deep topics that teens need. He is one of the greatest hero's of my faith. I thank God that he was in my life at the time. Thank you Scott. Thank you David Fraze. Thank you "Big" Don Williams. Thank you Rex Boyles. God be with the youth Ministers of today. Youth ministers do make a huge difference in the lives of teens. What influence did your youth minister have on your life? What did you learn from them? How special is that relationship?
I think that the youth minister model is not the best one that is practiced in some churches. It is causing some of the best men to leave ministry with hurt feelings. Good post.
Matthew,
Thanks for your thoughts.
I think what would help is education. Letting the leadership, eldership, staff and parents what to expect. Communication is key!
Preacherman,
I am not involved in Youth Ministry. I would offer one piece of advice; offer mentour programs.
Thanks for your visits to my blog. The Lord would not allow me to come back until last night. You will not believe what He had me write.
I like what Nancy said too, as a mother of a teen, I hate creating segretation at church. I think that when your worshiping there is no age difference. On Wednesday at our church we have one large class led by our preacher, and my teen attends with me (the only teen present) we both learn so much from the senior adults in our class, the passion they have for Bible, the faith they exhibit, the Love of Christ they exhibit is so exciting to us. We rarely leave with out much to ponder for days. How much easier it would be to teach children if parents were on board, yet many times it is the children that help open the eyes of the parents. I do know that separating children and parents is not the answer. I also have a problem with the young youth pastor (who hasn't lived long enough to face hardships) teaching my child, especially about sex, I also have a problem with a youth pastor that exhibits family planning outside of sound bibilical teaching. I would have to say that the best place to start is teaching parents in church about their obligation to God to exhibit, teach, and love God in front of their children. Teach them about walking and talking and telling stories from the bible to their children. Teach them to share their faith with their children. Build on parental roles insted of tearing it down. Remind them that they will stand before God and answer for not teaching their children the way. My child loves activities, but oh you should hear the excitement when she has just came from class with a new found nugget of truth. Parents make a difference, and the church needs to embrace the need these children have to share their moments of truth with their family.
I think the young people want to embrace God not rituals, not church training, not committees,not even activities, they want to expirence God, they are sick to death of legalism in the house of God. One more note about the seniors and the young youth minister ---- the seniors are in my expirence the ones that have lived long enough to see Gods glory the best, they have sought answers for the hardships life brings,studied the longest, and prayed the hardest. Give the children some real meat to chew on! Yes, Scott I do teach that sex is wrong outside of marriage and I teach love, and forgivness also. I teach that God gave us guidlines to live by for our own good, plus sin seperates us from God by our own guilt though we are forgiven just for asking and turning away from it. I teach that if you want to have a close, loving relationship with God we must do our very best to refrain from sin, and repent when we do and turn away from it. I do not think we are ignorant about the temptations as parents maybe confused about how to confront a problem that is rampant. Most of us know that our children will mess up from time to time, I want mine to know when she does mess up first (I want her to know when she sins) then I want her to know that I love her and that God loves her so much he gave his son to her, that she can be forgiven and her perfect relationship with her loving Heavenly Father restored to new. I also want her to know that two wrongs do not make a right, that telling a lie or getting rid of evidence of sin only compounds it. I think every generation thinks that it can't get any worse and it does, our children are faced with trials as never before and most of it our fault as Christians, we have not stood up and said enough is enough and reclaimed our children from the entertainment industry, the government sponsored schools, we just sit by and let the secular world take root in our children. Shame on us! I say parents repent for giving your children over to the world to raise for you, turn from the world and reclaim your children for God, and sit by them in church and hold their hand and pray with them, and study bible with them and love them and laugh with them and cry with them and teach them who to give their problems to, and glorify God with them, and reap a harvest of children wanting the real deal! Sorry this is to long! Preacherman tell you parents that bringing their children to church does not fullfill their obligation to God they will have to participate daily in thier childrens spiritual life and turn off the tube.
I love youth ministry. Tim and I have found relationship building to be the key. So many teens to day feel abandoned by the adults around them. The best youth groups that we have been part of and witnessed are those who make relationship building just as important as the study of Scripture. When you take the time to show up at a teen's basketball game or concert, they know you care. We have always tried to make our house a sanctuary and safe place for our teens to come and share their lives with us. Involving loving and spiritual adults who are eager to foster these relationships is essential.
I also agree, that parents MUST be involved. God annointed us as parents to make disciples of them. Sure, the whole Body of Christ plays a part, but it starts with the parents.
This comment has been removed by the author.
preacherman - Great post. Parents are the real youth ministers to their children whether they know it or not. We need to do a better job training godly parents who understand their responsibility to disciple their own children. Have you read "Family-Based Youth Ministry" by Mark DeVries? It's an amazing book I just read for my family/youth ministry class. I so wish that we would move away from program-based, entertainment-oriented "ministries" and instead would focus on making disciples. I'm trying to practice this in my own life whether I'm ever hired as a minister or not.
Joshua,
Thanks for the book recommendation. I am getting as soon as I can. I appreciate your thoughts. Great!
Being the child of a missionary/church planter, my brother and sister and I were often the entire youth group. That said, I raised two boys who were both very involved in the youth group and their activities. From my perspective as a "youth" and the parent of two, I believe the best thing any ministry can do is help each person develop a faith that is their own. I often think kids grow up knowing what their parents or their youth ministers believe but are unsure where their faith is. (Does any of this make sense?) Activities that promote relationship with Messiah and faith growth get my support.
Youth ministry--any ministry, done right, does just that.
IMO
Blessings
n
With the crumbling of the American family, I think it is vital that youth/family ministries work to strengthen this institution. There can be separate activities of course, but in the end, the family needs to be of primary concern. Otherwise, the youth group is just another distraction for parents to send their kids to rather than a method for growing disciples for Christ.
I don't think the youth minister being the focal point of the ministry is a good idea at all. We all know that the center is Christ, but when kids are excited because the cute youth minister drives a convertible, there's lots that can go wrong. He plans everything, does everything, and is the cool hero that has the kids over every night. What happens when he wears out, gets a family, or decides he's just an overpaid activities director? What happens when he leaves and the kids' faith wasn't based on Christ but rather how much fun they were having? Certainly some good can come from a Lone Ranger approach but I don't think this method is one that will stand the test of time.
Family involvement in youth ministry is key. As a youth minister, I consider myself lucky if I get an hour of a student's time on any given week. That's clearly not enough time to make a lasting impact. Discipleship begins at home.
Unfortunately, trends up until recently had many churches segregating their ministries by generation. We can counteract that a little by inviting parents into the processes of our ministries, by communicating and over-communicating, and by providing not just student programming, but family programming and means to create holy encounters for families outside of the church facility.
However, I also believe that students need a time and space to pursue the vocation of being passionately youthful. So in youth ministry, we create ministry experiences for youth, but we're intentional about inviting the family.
The difficulty I found in working 8 years in youth ministry is that the teens are over scheduled and don't have time for church and even the activities and devotionals that youth ministers plan. I think youth ministry in this next century will be more family focused. It won't be about going here and there but letting them experience service and giving them an understanding of who God is and what real spirituality is like. Thank you to all the youth ministers for what you do. I pray that GOd keeps you strong and spiritual that you may influence your youth groups for Christ.
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